ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
literature
The Key
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
While walking
And kicking up dust plumes
A glint sparkles below me
It is a key
I wipe off the grime
And see a heart flawlessly engraved
The edges jagged and worn
A blotch of rust here and there
This key withstood time
Proving its strength and worth
Somewhere in the world
An unknown chest holds
Unknown treasures
An unknown diary keeps
Unknown secrets
And unknown door opens to an
Unknown world
I polish the key
And pocket my little mystery
And kicking up dust plumes
A glint sparkles below me
It is a key
I wipe off the grime
And see a heart flawlessly engraved
The edges jagged and worn
A blotch of rust here and there
This key withstood time
Proving its strength and worth
Somewhere in the world
An unknown chest holds
Unknown treasures
An unknown diary keeps
Unknown secrets
And unknown door opens to an
Unknown world
I polish the key
And pocket my little mystery
I like how vague a key is. And imagining where is has been. Plus the key is a metaphor for love. It opens unknown things to the naked eye.
© 2012 - 2024 UkeBug
Comments5
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
I really love your use of a key as a metaphor for love; it fits perfectly (pardon the pun). Your line breaks are great at shaping your narrative too.
I would get rid of the line "What it means to me is" entirely; I think it distracts and stops the poem in mid flow. Try leaving it blank (i.e.: making two stanzas at the break) so the narrative voice will keep flowing. I think it would also help to make lines 17 and 18 "An unknown door opens an/ unknown world". That would make them resemble the two lines before, again helping the structure of the narrative.
Overall, you've captured the idea of love in an interesting metaphor and created a lovely tone to the poem. Well done indeed.
I would get rid of the line "What it means to me is" entirely; I think it distracts and stops the poem in mid flow. Try leaving it blank (i.e.: making two stanzas at the break) so the narrative voice will keep flowing. I think it would also help to make lines 17 and 18 "An unknown door opens an/ unknown world". That would make them resemble the two lines before, again helping the structure of the narrative.
Overall, you've captured the idea of love in an interesting metaphor and created a lovely tone to the poem. Well done indeed.